BACK TO THE LAND OF WRITING

 

Hold me closer, tiny dancer

Count the headlights in the highway

Lay me down in the sheets of linen

You had a busy day today!

 

I did, indeed, have a busy day and a tough time shaping this post. But the cheerful notes from Elton John and Britney Spear’s Hold Me Closer did a fine job of mind and soul replenishment. I got lost in the song and while I tapped my feet to its beats and swayed with its rhythm, I struggled to pen down my feelings and express my emotions on returning to the land of writing.

Yes! After a hiatus of four long years, I finally made (rather found) my way back to the writing land. To say I am overwhelmed would be an understatement. So many things have happened and so much has changed.

I lost myself (metaphorically), found myself again (metaphorically of course), dealt and defeated writer’s block, had countless epiphanies, not to mention my Renaissance period. The list just goes on. Where should I begin? What should I write? What to include and which parts to leave out?

I mean I have already discarded five drafts of this post and this is the sixth one (and the final one). But, hold on a second! I just had another epiphany and I realized that there’s no need for stories because this post is one in itself.

Sure I can recount my life-changing events, reminisce those inspiring moments and shape them into intriguing tales, but that’s not required, at least not right now. This post is the emblem of my victory; it represents my hope, and it’s a proof that I ain’t no quitter.

It vividly reflects my joy of finally redefining myself but most importantly, it strongly resonates my determined faith to follow my passion even in the face of a thousand adversities. This post tells its own tale and cramping it with unnecessary words will only make it a cliché.

So I have decided to put this post to rest but not without thanking all those people who have spared their precious minutes on it. Thank you, all you wonderful souls for reading it and if, by any chance, we happen to be kindred spirits with similar situations, then know that you’re not alone in your struggle.

Have faith and do not give up on those beautiful dreams. They might look impossible at the time, but keep working towards it, even if it’s only for a couple hours and a day shall finally come when you can see it taking shape.

Adios amigos and one last request, please hold me closer till I am back (hopefully sooner this time).

 

 

 

 

DEAR 2019! IT'S TIME TO REBOUND

I woke up to 2017 with a firm mind and made so many promises to myself. Come 2018, I went into hibernation (a really long one), and I have no one to blame but myself. However, unlike the hibernating creatures, I was nowhere near saving my energy, rather I spent it all to fight the forces around me; deep, dark, negative forces, which were slowly but surely draining life out of me. Year 2018 began on positive notes and I had it all under my control (or at least I thought so). Little did I know that I was under the most dangerous illusion of universe, the illusion of control.

As the year unfolded, it led to circumstances that made me question my very identity. At the beginning, I resisted emotions and tried to bring change. How naïve I was! The harder I tried, the more helpless I felt as life forced me to stand, watch and push its lessons through my head. I saw people change colors faster than a chameleon. I lost a very dear person to a nasty accident. I watched families crumble right before my eyes. I saw fake people being loved for their pretense while I got judged for being real.

I tried so hard to battle my own demons, but all I could do was stand there and watch my sanity burned to the ground. I lost myself in the myriad of false faces and fake feelings. Tangled in web of emotions, I became a slave of my thoughts. My mind and heart were no more in synchronization, and doubts clouded my judgment. The once enthusiastic, exuberant girl became the worst version of herself. I ended up having ugly rows with people who truly loved me for those who I thought loved me.

Amidst all the commotion, one thing became crystal clear to me. People took me for granted, the very thing I loathed the most. People dared to insult me on my face because they knew I wasn’t going anywhere. People assaulted my dignity because they thought I didn’t have any. People spoke to me at their will and at times completely ignored me like I didn’t exist at all. Some people even looked at me like I was the shallowest being God ever created, and that hurt like hell.

My senses failed miserably to differentiate between right and wrong, and that’s exactly the irony which brought me back to my senses. Isn’t it amazing how irony helps you to experience the true meaning of life? You need sorrow to feel joy. You need chaos to bring order.

After a year of being subjected to the irony of tolerating mockery, disrespect and insults, one fine day I realized that my patience has reached its threshold. And how could it not? Even the nicest people’s patience has limit. That’s when I knew that though I had fallen, it was now time to rebound.

Picture Courtesy: Google Images

But, it’s easier said than done, and fortunately, I at least knew where to seek help. Without further delay, I reached out for my two best friends – pen and paper. And there they were, sitting patiently to listen to me while I furiously penned down my pain, and after one long hour, I finally found a trace of peace after a long, long time.

So here I am, not completely at peace, but still joining my pieces. I am listening to music (lots and lots of it), watching Netflix, enjoying movies and connecting with people filled with wisdom. Yes, I am recovering.  

While I am pouring my heart out to you all, my earphones are comfortably plugged in and the beats of Inna’s Ruleta is pulsating throughout my body, and all I can think of is how I can realign myself to my previous form. How to become a phoenix and rise from the ashes? I know it’s going to be tough but not impossible.

I need to remind myself that I was born a girl, the gender that has always been underestimated and overlooked. But, I promise myself to be the girl that no one saw coming. I need to remind myself that I am a survivor, a warrior, and not a quitter. People can ignore me to their heart’s content, but they can never shake me off. I am going to speak and ink up all my pain, and if you are one of those who have dared to wrong me, then better brace yourself.

It is time for me to rise, rebound and restructure myself. I am done reaching out to people who won’t welcome me with extended arms.

Picture Courtesy: Google Images

My next post will be up soon, and I don’t know who is willing to wait for it and who isn’t. But to all of you who are willing to give your precious time, I can only say that I will be back with wiser words painted with experience of my life, with hope in my heart that in this journey called life, my experience can help you in the best possible way. Till then, fare thee well friends!

WAKING UP TO 2017

It was a beautiful Monday morning of 2017. A soft breeze was kissing my face and caressing my hair. My beloved husband was on tour which gave me an opportunity to enjoy the bliss of solitude, although I missed him terribly. I made a perfect plan to have my day out, but a glance at my living room instantly brought me back to my senses. Books scattered on study table, empty bottles lined up on the floor and garnishing the mess was a pile of clothes in the laundry basket.

To my own surprise, instead of following my monotonous routine, I decided to have a rendezvous with my best of friends - pen and paper. You say it's been a long time. More than a year I say. Gosh! How I missed them! Ever since I got hooked up to the love of my life, things have never been the same. To me, leaving behind my spinsterhood felt like waking up from a slumber. November of 2017 marked my first wedding anniversary, but the fact of being turned into 'missus' from 'miss' still hasn't sunk in. My marriage, however, is the prime reason of coming out of my dormant stage.

I have waked up to a whole new life. I have waked up to new responsibilities and endless possibilities. I have waked up to the beauty of true love, to the beauty of newfound dreams, and to new dimensions of life. To be honest, the transition wasn't easy, but an easy life never gave the joy of success. Till November 2016, all I did was eat, pray, love, read, write, hang out with friends, wash clothes (at times), and sometimes prepare tea and dinner for my family. Post November 2016, I ate, seldom prayed, loved of course, read less, wrote even lesser, prepared tea along with breakfast and lunch and watched movies when time permitted. 

Let me be clear that there's nothing in the list that I had to do against my wish, although life often made me do so. It's just that I was and I'm still trying to strike a balance between my responsibilities and my passions. And this is exactly how I've woken up to 2017. Technically, 2017 is about to sink in oblivion, but sitting there on that fine Monday morning among the mess with my two best friends helped me to wake up to this beautiful realization that to explore the sea, you must have the courage to leave your comfort zone. 

Last one year was a wee bit rough. Getting used to my new routine that was nowhere near my old one was more than tough. I missed my parents often and missed my sisters even more. Frustration and anger got triggered in no time. Above all, I had to stay away from my beloved husband for the first three months of our marriage which was enough to make me outrageous. As a newlywed, all I did was keep dreaming of an extravagantly romantic life that was in stark contrast with my present one. That's life. Nothing goes as planned.

The brief rendezvous with pen and paper brought these wonderful epiphanies. Now that I'm fully awake, I'm ready to leave my comfort zone and all set to sail. I must explore the sea. I'm ready to follow my dreams, give them all it takes, and most importantly, never, ever give up on them. I shout out loud to all you dreamers. Wake up folks! Wake up to your dreams, wake up to your family, your friends. Wake up to life before it's too late because as Paulo Coelho says, "Your dreams are waiting, but they won't wait forever."